Chapter 21 Transient

My heart is beating so fast.  It's beating too fast.

Everything is going too fast and yet I'm moving too slow.

Where am I? Where is everyone?  Ioan?  Ernest?  It's so dark and my head feels so heavy...

There's something on my face?  It's hard, some kind of machine?  A visor maybe?  What is this wet stuff?  Kind of sticky...  Oh no, I hope that isn't blood.  This helmet thing is stuck? Come off! Take it off, take this thing off!

"Aaah!"

Why does my voice sound like that?  Why am I so clumsy?  It's like my body is the wrong size or - finally this thing is off my head.  Ew yuck is that ink?  It's coming out of the device, whatever this visor helmet thing is. 

Whoa I feel so dizzy.  Just grabbed that chair in time-what's with my hands?  Is that..?  These aren't my hands?  And where the hell am I some kind of office or medical room?  Is-Is that Ernest? 

"Ernest!  Ernest it's you oh thank-wait.  No.  These hands... I'm moving these hands.  No, no, no no no-Is-Is that my body?  Is that me?  No, no I'm Reader, no that can't be me that's Ernest for sure.  No, this isn't happening, this can't be happening-where is Ioan, where is the real Ernest-Ernest!? Ernest!  Come on this isn't funny!"

I need to figure out where I am.  I need to figure out where they are. 

"Stay calm.  Get myself together.  Aaah!"

My side hurts so damn much.  What the hell?  Get these clothes out of my way.  What?  No injury?  But wasn't Ernest torn up around here-AAA-"AAAAH SHIT SHIT SHIT IT HURTS!"

Haaah. Haaah. 

Everything hurts so damn much.  I feel so old and tired.  Is that?  Yes, that is my headache coming back.  I need to focus. 

Head visor thing, it's on some kind of chair or desk.  What are these, notes?  Files, reports...  Something about medicine or some attempt to cure an illness.  Who are these people?  They look familiar.  This place is a mess.  It looks like someone tore the place apart, someone or something with... claws...  is this what Ernest was talking about?  His room? 

Am I at his 'room' then?  And I'm in his body?  Where is this 'room' then?  And why does this place look like it's falling apart?  There's a door in here and a window of some sort.  Window what is beyond this window... some kind of facility for sure.  Is this some kind of observation room?  Lots of screens showing data being calculated.  Maybe I can pull up some information...  this computer console isn't locked down.  Come on fingers work, work...

Hmm?  Ernest's file? 

Not just Ernest's.  There's quite a few here.  So much data.  Each one of them has a number...  Oh no, this one is reported dead.  This one too.  And this one. 

"Cause of Death, 'the illness', what the hell does that mean?  Let's see, mysterious case comes up again in the older series, causes cancer symptoms to develop rapidly... They report feelings of fatigue most of all.  First to succumb to affects despite recovery attempts...  Second transpired even after cell replacement therapy...  Third rejected replacement and donor cells...  This is terrible.  What about Ernest?  He's right in the middle.  'Shows no signs yet' ...  That's good right?  Are his other siblings still here?  Here's a younger sister... oh no it says she's dead... got symptoms rapidly.  Another one here, body violently rejected digital environment.  Another, showed no signs until recently... 
Penny? It doesn't say she's dead...  Is this the one that's still alive?"

This, this must be the 'Doctor's office' he told me about.

If this is the Doctor's office...  Is there anyone else here?  Maybe Penny?  Ernest said he was trying to help some of his siblings and find a cure...  There is no file 'mother' or 'father'.  Beyond that door? 

This is so much to take in, too much to take in.  What was I seeing in that head setup?  What's with the ink?  Now that I take a look, the stuff seems to have infected the walls and ceiling...  It was flooding out of the visor and got all over my face.  Before I woke up here, I was with Ioan and Ernest trying to use the Golden Ticket...  Did the Twins do this?  Is this some kind of game?

... That is not me in that reflection.  I am me.  I'm...  I know I am.  I have to be.  My name is...  My name-oh what the hell I am Reader and this is Ernest's body.  I am going to go out that Door and I'm going to get some answers.

*click*

"Hello?"

Does it have to echo in such a lonely manner?  This place looks and feels deserted. 

"Hello?"

One hallway, another hallway... room after room.  Mostly living quarters or health facilities.  The first few ones were kind of nice to come across I guess.  I know someone must have touched that toy, and someone else drew those pictures...  It makes me not feel so alone, and yet... there's no sign of anyone being around recently. 

I found where everyone must have shared meals.  Nobody here.  Facility still produces food, but the machines have to be prompted several times. 

More rooms.  I can't tell which one is Ernest's...

This room, this is different.  There's a lot of space here, kind of like a gym.  Lots of hanging mechanical equipment and marked out sections...  Oh, it came to life when I walked up to it.  Username, Password...  It shows a profile, I recognize the face.  One of the dead girls.  I don't recognize the date.  I have no idea how long ago she...  This one, yes I saw his face in the files.  He died too.  Different date of last access.  Is this the 'School'?  It looks so different from the hallway I remember... Is this where they trained?  Where they did 'assignments'? 

That means one of them belongs to Ernest..?  I see a light blinking over there.  Is one of these things still on?  Maybe that's Penny's-

??? Someone is in here?

"Disturbance Identified."

Whoa.  Robot.  Big and intimidating.  What do I do?  What do I-

"Doctor?  Is that-wait.  Scan complete.  Ernest my boy, is that you?  Where have you been all this time?  Your Mother has been very worried."

"F-Father?"

"Yes son, come, she will be happy to see you."

I guess I'll follow?  Father and Mother... some kind of care taking machines?  The Father seems to be designed with security in mind yet his voice sounds very gentle to those it recognizes.  Large, triangular and with a sphere for movement.  Why did he think I was the Doctor?

'They said that we always looked alike' huh?

Wow this facility is quite big, yet it really is falling apart.  There is so much of the infrastructure exposed as if something broke them open from the inside.  An infestation?  Damage from natural disasters?  An attack?  Lack of repair?

"The home has really been aging for the worse, just like your Pa.  Every day something new gets old enough to break.  It boggles my processors Son.  Things are just not the way they used to be.  Make it to last forever, yet it falls apart so easily."

So this isn't natural.  I'm surprised at how much emotion I'm hearing from him.  He really does sound like a concerned parent. 

"I am glad you have returned my Son.  These old circuits were wondering if they would ever fire up again.  I don't know where you went, but we couldn't find you.  You had been gone so long...  I...  maybe it would be best if your Mother told you.  Here we are.  Let's put a smile on that face and try to look good for her."

This must be where the two robots go at the end of a normal day.  It's quite cozy in here.  Plenty of chairs and ... well... it's like a home... This must be Mother.  I can see why she is called that.  Her design has a lot of curves and soft edges, she seems very welcoming.

"Doctor is that you?  It has been quite some time since you last got here.  Oh, the facility has become such a mess!  Please don't mind it, we have tried to keep the maintenance up, but the place just keeps breaking down all around us.  Not that it matters anyways.  I'm sorry to say that the children have not survived the illness they- wait.  Ernest?  Ernest! Oh I'm so sorry!  I mistook you for the Doctor again, you both look so alike.  Father why didn't you tell me?  I'm so embarrassed.  Come here Ernest, give Mother a Hug."

She feels so warm...  wow...

"Are you okay Ernest?  Where have you been?  Mother has been so worried over you.  Oh you look so pale and you have that nasty ink on you.  Let me just dab that off child, hold still."

"Mother, could you give the boy some space?  He looks like he's about to fall over."

"But Father, if he's ill, then he'll need my love more than ever.  I almost have the mess rubbed off..?  Is it a stain?  A bruise?  My poor child, who did that to you?"

"I'm fine, please, Mother.  I'm not sick."

"Not sick?  Ernest, please, you don't have to be so strong anymore.  Just let me take care of you."

"I'm not sick Mother, honest.  Look at me! I can climb mountains, cross deserts, jump and swim.  I'm as healthy as can be, there's no need to worry."
"Child," She looked so sad, "my sweet brave child...  we were right to call you Ernest.  So quick, and strong, and eager to help.  But Ernest my child, Ernest-"

"What is it Mother?"

"I know you tried so hard, but...  She's dead Ernest."

"What?"

"Penny.  She's dead.  She was the last one beside you."

"Penny is dead?" That girl, in the file... no, the file said she was alive.

"Yes.  Oh I'm so sorry, let me hold you.  I know this must be so hard."

"H-How?"

This time Father spoke.  It was obvious he struggled with the emotion in his speaker box.

"Penny's symptoms escalated quickly after you vanished.  We searched everywhere for you, hoping to bring you the news, but after so many months had past... we thought that the illness took you as well.  Penny tried so hard Ernest.  She tried to fight it, but it was just too much."

"Mother, please don't cry."

"Ernest!  My child, my sweet child.  You're the last one.  All my children are gone, and-and-and soon you will be too."

"Don't be silly, I'm not going anywhere.  I told you both, I'm fine."
"Ernest please let me comfort you as it sets in.  You don't have to fade away in pain."

"But I'm not-"

Ow the pain in my side... I can't even stand.  Wow, I can't... 

"Ernest!  Ernest!"

"My Son! Mother, help me put him into a chair."

The pain, it just comes and goes... I feel real tired though.  Like... I just lost years of my life or something. 

I feel so old.  So vulnerable.  Did Ernest feel like this?  Did his siblings? 

"Oh it's so terrible.  Are these markings from the illness as well?  It's just like the substance taking over the facility.  It's everything we can do to try and remove it and yet somehow it's inside of my child."

"That's enough with the cloth Mother, you won't rub cancer out of a body.  Are you hungry Ernest?  Thirsty?  I'll get you something if you need it."

"No-No, need... I just, need to catch my breath."

Markings... does she mean these claws?  Is ink taking over the facility?  How?  Where is it coming from?  Wait a second.  Something is missing... something...

Where is the Lock?  It's not on my hand.  I mean, Ernest's hand.  It's not there. 

"What's wrong dear?  Does your hand hurt?"

"Is there something wrong with your hand son?"

"Is-was there-where...?  I had a silver glove on my hand, where did it go?"

"Silver glove? Child, that was the Doctor's."
"Mother is right, you didn't wear a silver glove."

"A lock, I had it on my hand.  It wrapped around my hand when I went into the Locker."

"Lock? Locker?  I don't understand child."
"Ernest my boy, are you hallucinating?  Have his symptoms escalated so quickly?"

The Doctor had the silver glove, Ernest said so himself.  And yet I had one in the Locker..? 

"Where is the Doctor?"

The two stopped comparing medical notes, leaving the room in an uncomfortable silence. 

"Mother, Father, where is the Doctor?"
"He isn't here child. I'm sorry."
"We don't know where he has gone.  He hasn't been seen in so long, you know that."
"Why didn't the Doctor save them?  Why couldn't he save Penny, and the others?"
"Calm down child, he tried.  You should know he tried.  But he didn't know how to cure the illness."
"He tried my Son.  He traveled far and wide looking for a cure, and he would return to try a new method, but the illness ...  he could not defeat it."
"What good is a Doctor who can't save a life?"

"Ernest! Don't say that about him, Father tell him."
"Hush Mother, he is suffering, he didn't mean it."

What is going on.  I know I saw that Lock on my hand.  That glove was real.  The Doctor isn't here... but he couldn't have had that glove on.  I did.  It was in the Locker. 

I need to get back in that Locker.  I need to find Ioan.  I need to find out what happened to Ernest. 

But first, I need to figure out how to stop this pain.  There should be medicine or something in the Doctor's office right?

"Where is the Doctor's office?"

Neither parent spoke.

"Where is it?"

"You can't go in there Ernest.  None of us are allowed to child."
"It is forbidden.  Only the Doctor is allowed in there."

"Why?  What's in the Office?"
"There is no medicine in there Ernest.  Just data files.  Please child, don't go in there... you'll see their files and be reminded of them.  Just let your siblings go, they are not alive anymore."
"Listen to your Mother Ernest, let us help you... your last moments don't have to hurt so much."

"Files? Just data?  Is it like an observation room then?"  Was I in there all along?
"You went in?  Ernest!  How could you?  You know you shouldn't go in there, what if the Doctor finds out!"
"My Son! Is that where you had gone all this time? Mother, it would explain why we couldn't find him..."

I need to get back in that room. 

"Ernest!  Ernest wait, don't go!"
"Please my Son, don't leave us like this!  Let us be with you to the end!"

They can beg and ask all they want, but I need answers.  If the others died, then they can't stop ... they can't stop what is coming...  This place is falling apart.  I feel so tired... This body is... 

Oh no.

Oh that is very bad. 

I'm going to die.

I'm going to die.

I can feel it.

Ernest, your body is very sick.  I need to get out of here, I need to find them.  There it is, the helmet thing.  Mother and Father won't enter this room.  They are holding each other as they watch ...

"Good bye."

I didn't know what else to say.  There was nothing else to say.  I don't even know if this thing is on.  Please.  Take me back in.  I'm just getting ink ooze all over me.  Come on.  Take me there.  Where they are, Ioan, Ernest, take me back!

"Put me back in!  Locker!  Put me back-"

Is this it?

I can't tell if my eyes are closed or not, there is so much black... but I see a light.

Is this it?

I...

I want to live.

Please..