| CHAPTER 1 |
The sensation is never pleasant. Never will be either, but I don’t ever tell the passengers that. Funny that Ernest Demon didn’t go crazy from the number of times I’ve sent him through.
It’s like he’s already crazy, this Ernest guy.
Surprising the new comer isn’t squirming like Ernest did on his first date with me. Both are strange to begin with, but they seem so uncomfortable with me. It’s like the family I don’t want, a bond so loveless that it will be never-happening. Like the frozen winter bombarding hail onto the battlefield of my ink-blob as the adventurers and I run in circles, squares, rectangles, and other objects of escaping proportion.
It’s so unhappy and unromantic. So unbeautiful that it won’t make me cry.
Dreaming of such things must be laid to the side though. I don’t want to get too unexcited. What we need is the world they will be distancing too. Give my lovelies the proper ceremony they must escape and the ultimate bliss they don’t wish to goal.
What am I waiting for? Hehheheheheheheh…
*
Clickclickclick. What’s that noise? Clunk. I can’t see a thing. Ting-Ting “We’ll be there in a minute. Make sure your ready to fight.” What? “If you want to live, get ready to fight.”
The sound of pressured liquid grew from its silent state to a muffle, explosions somewhere on the other side. The liquid started to hiss and spit, and both traveler’s twisted and turned as they gained speed. The ink-blob started to color itself, the black fading and making out the beach. The two of them, with their vision blurring and a huge spit by the ink, hit the decks of a wooden ship and rolled straight into the mass. Some of the ink stuck to their bodies while the rest spread out and colored the world. Captain hats formed on their heads while the rest of their body detailed itself in elaborate clothes and pistols triggered by gunpowder latched to their belts. Swords were in hand, the other hand raised to their head to dull the impact against the mass. Ernest looked around, finding that the rest of the ship carried a faceless crew, all with wooden peg-legs and assorted naval weapons. Cannons shot from the side of the ship, their smoke blocking the view.
"You call this homework? What the hell-type-of-homework is this Ernest?"
“Pirates vs. Ninjas.”
*
"Did you say Pirates? Wait why are my words forming in the air and being surrounded by quotation marks?"
The ship was being boarded. Massive waves were flooding the deck, revealing cloth covered killing machines. Ninjas?! They threw bits of metal and wielded all manner of weapons. Elegant blades met simple pirate cutlasses. Spears met boarding pikes. The staccato of pistol fire cracked between screams of the dying and the victorious.
Thrashing waves made the entire battle treacherous for all combatants. To the left was the rolling sea, dragging bodies down to the reefs. To the right were towering jagged rocks, demon maws hungry for blood, gorging on the bodies cast to them. With every knot traveled the ship groaned in complaint, its hull scratching against the reef and rock.
Ernest was at the wheel. When he spoke his eyes looked far beyond the ship like he was looking for a break in the coastline. "I need to give you a name... Something more than just 'Hey You'. What's your name?"
"I..er-"
"I'm calling you Reader."
"But-"
"I'll explain later. Reader is good for now."
He looked at Reader and nodded. "Now you stand out from them."
Their attention was taken back to the fighting. The deck was littered with bodies. Roiling red liquid sloshed into the hungry sea. The cloth wrapped killers that survived started to move towards the wheel.
"Uh Ernest. They're coming for us."
"Get ready."
The killers picked up the pace, making a dash forward with weapons drawn.
"Ernest!"
"Hold on!"
"What!?"
He spun the wheel hard, the whole ship jerking violently. Reader tried grabbing onto the rails near the wheel, but the wood was slick. The killers didn't fair too well either, slipping and sliding all over the ship. Cannons that were loose along with cannon balls and corpses created a death trap on the deck. And reader was in the middle of it.
A glimpse over the side, Reader saw the cliff looming ever larger.
Between gasps of breath through blood soaked seawater Reader shouted, "Are you trying to crash us into the rocks!?"
"No. I'm going to crash through their defenses!"
The whistle of cannon fire could be heard. Planks burst like ripe melons. The sails became shredded, casting rays of light over the ship. The artillery fire was coming from up on high. Maybe from the cliff? A massive wave formed under the ship. In the swell it felt like the hand of God was lifting the vessel. Clinging to the pile of stuck corpses, Reader watched as a towering castle came into view. Its pagoda covered verandahs were guarded by the same cloth wrapped fighters that boarded the ship. Black puffs of smoke bloomed in contrast to the castle's white washed walls. The screech of incoming cannon fire soon followed those mesmerizing plumes of smoke.
Break through their defenses? Wait. He doesn't mean we're going to crash into-
Loose corpses rolled over the slippery deck to pile all over Reader. The stench of blood and the sea was hard to overcome. Struggling under the pile of bodies, Reader broke through the surface of limbs to see blue sky. Black blurs of cannon fire streaked past. Can't really crane my view anywhere else. This sun is like fire. Reader's view of the burning sun cut off as a cloth wrapped killer limped silently into view. Splinters the size of arms stuck all over the ninja's (?) wounded body, bleeding stains from head to toe. Black glittering eyes looked down upon Reader from under his face wrappings - a knife in hand. Knife went up.
Oh snap it's going to come down!
"Ernest!"
"HAHAHAHAA!"
The whole world shook, throwing the killer out of view. Reader struggled to hold on as everything began to spin and shudder out of control. My grip is slipping! The bodies Reader held onto loosened. The impact caused everything to bounce into the air and join a new nightmare of flying objects. Coppery tasting water filled the mouth. Heat from the burning sun joined with a fire that started somewhere out of sight. Smell of death and smoke in the air. Screams.
Reader went face first into the deck.
Fading consciousness left only haunting chuckles and the crash of ocean surf.
Fading consciousness left only haunting chuckles and the crash of ocean surf.
*
I saw a silver serpent grinning a mouth of fangs. It wrapped its body around my hand. Blood flowed with its bite. Instead of poison there came little wriggling things. They broke the surface of my skin, biting each other and traveling in chaotic unison. I coughed black ink down my chin, on the floor. Rising from my shadow was a writhing image of me. Made of hissing snakes reaching out. Drowning.
"Guhah! AHHH! AAAH!! AAHHH!!!!"
Reader woke up coughing salt water and slapping at the air. Ernest stood in the blinding light with hand outstretched.
"Ah I see you made it alive. I don't know how you did it, but well done Reader."
Reader latched onto that hand to stand up on shaky knees.
Reader tried to begin, "What - hah - What kind-"
Ernest cut off the attempt of hyperventilated speech.
"Catch your breath."
Ernest cut off the attempt of hyperventilated speech.
"Catch your breath."
The air was filled with the sizzling smoke of the burning ship. The ship had wrecked itself on the castle's wall. It was the first time Reader had a chance to notice, but they were part of a fleet. Pirates were throwing hooks onto the wrecked ship to allow their own to board. The wreck was being used like a stepping stool.
Reader finished gasping for air and turned to Ernest asking, "What kind of 'homework' is this?"
Ernest dusted off his captain's hat and watched the pirates storm the gardens below.
"It's all a part of the locker's game. Listen carefully. We are going in that towering building over there."
Ernest drew close. The atmosphere became tense.
"In that tower is our way out of this. If you know how to fight, great. If you don't, learn quick and stick behind me. The ninjas are fast and are good at killing. Just because you have that lock wrapped around your hand doesn't mean the locker is going to go easy on you. The lock? I don't have time to explain right now."
Reader looked around. In the bright light everything seemed defined yet blurred. Wherever Ernest or Reader looked the scene would become sharply focused. Then began a slow process of blurring. Below were gardens with flowering trees dispensing their petals. Further beyond that was the courtyard leading to the double doors of the complex's main tower. It was surrounded in serpent symbols and statues. High walls could be seen in the distance...
"Hey. Hey Reader focus here, eyes on me. They're about ready to blow the front doors. Whatever you do, don't get attached to things here. If it seems fuzzy then that's for the best. The way out will be obvious when you see it. Don't hesitate okay?"
The ground shook. Smoke covered pirates stormed the tower. The guards were waiting for them. Hot lead struck down armored men with spears. Cutlasses, hatchets and boarding pikes met finely crafted blades and glaives. Spears were gouging out flesh. Swords cutting open bodies. Every now and then a gun would fire off. More guards were arriving.
Ernest grabbed Reader by the arm, "Ignore this battle just follow me up the stairs!"
Legs burning, lungs hacking, the pair ran to the top. A guard came running down the steps. Seeing the pair it lowered its spear and gave a metallic battle cry. Lunging, the spear cut a bloody groove into Ernest's right arm. He roared in response, closing the gap with bounding steps. The spear point drew back and made to snap forward again. This time, Ernest dodged it cleanly, grabbing hold of the spear with an iron grip. The two entered a desperate struggle, smashing each other into the walls of the stairwell. Ernest was getting the worse of it, getting pinned. With a grunt Ernest corked with his whole body using the wall as a launching pad and threw both of them down the flight of stairs in a twirling mass of metal, cursing and limbs. The pair came to a stop at flight's base, teetering on the edge of another fall. On top, Ernest recovered first and snatched the spear away. The guard countered by getting Ernest off with a gut punch then scissor kicking the pirate - causing Ernest's world to spin in a horrifying connection to the floor.
Growling in triumph the guard rolled on top and prepared to pummel Ernest's face into paste. Its sound of joy quickly turned into a panicked wail. It tried to stand up. To get away. But Ernest was holding on tight. Holding on tight to its insides. Sounding like his namesake, the pirate appeared like a demon, crowing in victory. He pulled his way up from the ground, keeping hold of the retreating guard. Wet red painted the white plaster walls as Ernest tore in, ripping out lengths of coiled intestine. Grabbing the dying guard by the inside of his rib cage, Ernest lifted up his opponent and pinned him to the stone wall, cracking the plaster.
RRRIIIIPPPP. Ssssuck. Pop. Drip. Drip.Drip.
Ernest dropped a wet round organ down the steps. He went to go join Reader, but paused and looked back at the fresh corpse. Tearing off a strip of the guard's cloak he wrapped it around his wounded arm.
"What? You're acting like you've never seen heart ripping before. Let's move, I can still hear fighting all around, but it won't last forever. Plus, I smell a fire."
Sucking air the two made it up the last flights of stairs. At the top, two guards stood at attention before engraved double doors. Ernest didn't hesitate - drawing a pair of pistols and dispatching the guards with shots to the face. He tossed aside the spent guns, muttering that he carried no more ammo. The pair scanned the entrance to ensure no further guards would arrive. It was clear.
With a nod at Reader, Ernest kicked open the doors and scanned the room.
Inside was a treasury of wealth. Fine fabrics and silk hung from the ceiling, draping the room in multiple shades of red. Thick red carpet covered the floor with gold coins piled on top. Eye pleasing furniture adorned the room with pillars of burning incense perfuming the air.
At the end of the room was an ugly sight. Surrounding a black box was an unnatural shadow. It pulsated in place as if alive. The air around it cracked. Light turned away, shattered. The multitude of ruptured colors bled together into a floating black blob.
What's that to my left?
This was much better on the eyes. Two youths who might have been twins sat on a cushioned bench looking at the two intruding pirates. They were beautiful. One was a girl the other a handsome young man. Their skin identical, pure without blemish. Her hair was long, thick, straight, shimmering. He seemed to glow like the sun. She had polished nails and wore a gown of red embroidered with gold. He wore a robe of crimson that fell from his shoulders. Her gaze was so distant, so was his.
They each have chains on their ankles and hands.
"Reader stop looking at them! Arg, stop flailing on me, come on. The exit is right over there. I don't care about those two. Stop looking at them. Come here Come HERE."
Ernest dragged Reader towards the black box and its floating specter.
"Don't touch the gold. Don't look them in the eyes. Don't think about them. Now stand up."
He spun Reader towards the black box.
Click.
It opened with his presence. Within was a key. Black with swirls of shifting silver. Ernest snapped it up then looked at the liquid like mass above them. It was bleeding, tainting the room. Ernest looked Reader in the eyes.
Why do you look sorry?
Ernest shoved Reader hard. The mass of inky blackness latched on.
It's enveloping me!
The corruption of the room hastened. Pulled to the life it now held.
Ernest why are you jumping on top of me? Do you intend to stab me with the key!? No!
Reader lifted up hands in reflex.
Ernest rammed the key down onto the lock covered hand.
Click.
A whirlpool of decaying images and haunting laughter.
Click. Click.ClickClickClickClickclickclickclickclick.
